Beware The Struggle Porn Olympics
Well-intentioned but ill-executed empathy is the competition we don’t need.
Linkedin has drastically moved away from being merely a platform for sharing boilerplate press updates about/from your company’s most recent success — a move I whole heartedly support.
It’s not uncommon to share personal and career struggles on the platform anymore, but too often, I see the comments turn into what I call "struggle porn." Instead of offering genuine support, people try to outdo each other’s hardships, turning vulnerability into a competition.
What "Struggle Porn" Looks Like in the Professional World
You’ve likely seen it. A professional on LinkedIn shares their story — perhaps about overcoming a toxic work environment, handling burnout, or bouncing back after a failed project. It’s vulnerable, it’s real, and often it’s intended to inspire or foster connection.
But instead of receiving thoughtful support or words of encouragement, their post gets flooded with comments like, “Oh, you think that’s bad? Let me tell you about my experience…” or “When I was at my lowest, this happened…” What was meant to be a moment of solidarity finds itself in as a competition for the worst story, draining the empathy out of the conversation.
Eventually it’s not even about the poster or cause anymore.
The #opentowork posts seem to have catapulted a particular post style into vogue, where those out of work share their “stats” along with their frustrations. Stats include the number of weeks, months, or years out of work, applications sent, interviews completed, calls with recruiters, times ghosted, and offers received (or not received).
The frustrations are well deserved, but empathy and community seems to be getting coopted by ego, on repeat.
The Empathy Lesson from The Bear (Tina and Michael)
If you’re looking for a masterclass on career empathy and what to do instead, watch the flashback scene between Tina and Michael from The Bear (season 3 ep 6 Napkins) showing how she ended up working at The Bear.
The two characters, strangers at the time, listen without interrupting, without offering advice, and without trying to top one another’s stories. This is true empathy — listening with presence instead of waiting for your turn to speak.
The more I watch this show the more I think this is what HR teams should be sending out as mandatory viewing. It’s got plenty in “the what not to do” covered as well.
Why It Matters
Active listening and making space for others to share their experience is necessary, so I hesitate to sound like I’m policing how others share their frustrations or seek connection. However, being mindful of what you engage with is crucial when trying to find your way to the next gig. LinkedIn is powered by an algorithm that keeps feeding us more of what we eat. Consistently engaging with "struggle porn" posts or posters puts you at risk of being pulled into a cycle of negativity and comparison every time you open the app.
One-upping struggles is a race with no real finish line. It’s like a steroid to becoming hopeless.
So What Next?
The next time someone shares their story — whether it’s in the office, at a networking event, or on LinkedIn — practice being more like Tina and Michael. Listen without the need to jump in with your own struggles. Empathize without the desire to prove how much you’ve overcome. Offer support that’s grounded in the other person’s experience, not your own. Ask questions that invite understanding, not ones that sound like you’re trying to prove them wrong.
And just as importantly, be mindful of what you engage with so you’re not being pulled into the struggle Olympics? Your career is shaped by your connections, so it’s essential to find a community that can help you flourish by listening encouraging, and offering real empathy.
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I frequently find myself listening to R.E.M. and Eddie Vedder/Pearl Jam for days after I watch The Bear. So here ya go.
Strange Currencies - R.E.M.
Save It For Later - Eddie Vedder